Monday, December 10, 2012

Where are you, Christmas?

I hate being sick. Ok, now that I got that off my chest, I can write this little blog post. Christmas is by far my favorite holiday. As a kid, I would start planning for my next Christmas immediately after it happened. The lights, the music, the magic - I didn't even need the stupid presents. I just loved the holiday so much! Literally, all my parents would have had to do is put up a tree and they had a happy kid on their hands.

Christmas in New Orleans and Houston was especially magical. The decorations in New Orleans had a wonderful, historical charm. The Quarter was dressed in its best greenery, and the city itself was decorated with lots of glitz and glam. Houston was much more modern, but still as impressive. The 50 amazing silver trees on Post Oak were always my favorite, and the lights on the buildings downtown were so festive and fun. I really enjoyed it!

Over the course of the last two years, though, I felt like my Christmas spirit slowly being pulled from under me. I was working too hard, sleeping too little, and frankly, didn't have anyone else around that liked celebrating it with me. The friends I used to celebrate with all picked up and moved on, my family's struggles back home got worse, and my spirit started showing some wear. I tried to hang on to - I really did - but I feel like this tug of war has finally won against me. It breaks my heart.

I don't know why this Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas. Usually, my tree and lights are up immediately after the holiday; my Christmas cards usually go out shortly after that. I have gifts wrapped and ready for mailing by the 2nd week of December, and I usually host a dinner or two at my house for my friends. But this year? None of this has happened yet. My team holiday lunch turned into a lecture, my tree is still packed away in the garage, and I've only bought 3 of the 15 gifts I have to buy this year. And don't even get me started on my cards... my apologies to everyone expecting one. I promise to get to them "soon," but not sure when I'll feel up to it.

I hate to be a Debbie Downer - I know it's not me (although, I keep saying that a lot... God, please don't let it be me!). I just had to get this off my chest. Tomorrow is another day, and I'll face it happily and enthusiastically. I hope this feeling doesn't last, and really hope it's not affecting anyone else too. Sigh. Well, off to bed. Big day tomorrow! Thanks for listening - whomever reads this. 

Until next time...

--- Becks

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